It is disheartening when you see your partner is always trying to control you by criticizing your opinions. Doesn’t that really hurt? Well, think this as the opposite picture. What if you are the controlling person here who’s damaging the relationship?
Though controlling is a great skill that not everyone can possess, overly controlling is a bad thing. It allows to increase stress in a person and causes some serious damage. In this article, we included strategies that can help you to become less controlling. These tips will let you have mental peace and also improve your relationship with others.
Try to follow the guideline step by step. It’s better to know yourself first and then work on the areas you need improvement. So, let’s see how to be less controlling!
What Do You Mean by a Control Freak?
Clearly, a control freak is a person who wants to control his life and the surroundings to an extreme level. He or she is always stressed about getting things done right (which is less concerning!) However, these people tend to work according to their mentality. You might find a control freak hardly who can accept another people’s perspective easily. They always set high standards for themselves and hate taking risks.
Why is it Bad to Become Overly Controlling?
You might wonder - “What’s wrong with controlling?” Knowing how to control people is a type of leadership skills. Everyone should have this ability to some extent. Then, why are we averse it? Well, there is such thing as too much controlling. It’s bad enough to ruin your reputation.
Sure, you have the right to get things done. Perhaps, it’s a part of your punctuality and perfection. However, the moment you start controlling things that you can’t control, it eventually brings bad luck to you. With stuffs that can’t be controlled, you should give them up immediately. Otherwise, you might feel stressed and anxious all day long. It may also affect you physically by showing symptoms like low energy, procrastination, insomnia, irritability, and so on. Your bonding with co-workers, friends, bosses can be ruined because of your behavior. As a matter of fact, you will become too bossy, arrogant, judgmental around others all the time. This is why you should be working on your overly controlling attitude.
How to Be Less Controlling
Explore Yourself First
Our first advice on how to be less controlling will be to know yourself better. Explore your inner feelings that might drag you to act differently in front of people. Perhaps, your soul doesn’t want to control but your instincts wants! There might be a pool of unknown facts which made you become more controlling. Notice if fear of anything is bothering you much.
Ask yourself, “Am I being rational?” Whether you are just afraid of failing or having cognitive disorders, you need to identify the reasons. Without getting to know yourself better, you will never be able to control your behavior.
Identify the Controlling Behaviors
As we already pointed out the significance of exploring yourself, it’s time you pin point your behaviors. We are talking about controlling behaviors specifically. Becoming much aware about yourself, you can understand the pattern you communicate with others. You can notice the urgency of dictatorship in yourself immediately.
So, what’s your task now? Simply, write down the controlling behaviors in a piece of white paper. Or, you can just use a digital notepad (whatever works for you!). This strategy will assist you in assessing your weaknesses and to work on them accordingly. Gradually, you’ll be able to reduce your inner control freak attitude without any difficulty.
Question Yourself
Another great tactic to reduce your control freak behavior is to question yourself. It’s like challenging your fear-based thinking. However, you must be completely honest with yourself while answering the questions.
Whenever your mind becomes catastrophic try to ask the following questions:
- Do I have proof to support this thought?
- Is this way really authentic?
- Am I having too much emotions?
- Am I being too much negative?
By answering such questions, you will understand the depth of your thoughts. Your intentions will be clearer to you. As a result, you will be able to take necessary actions if you feel like being too much controlling.
Leave Behind All the Stress and Anxiety
One of the most common reasons of being controlling is to worry too much regarding any matter. From excessive worrying begets anxiety. The uncertainty bothers you so much that you start trying to minimize the risks through controlling. It is a sign of not accepting risks which is undoubtedly a concerning matter for any human being.
Instead of thinking about the impossible prospects, you can surrender yourself to the upcoming unpredictability. Try practicing yoga or meditation to calm your mind. A relaxing massage or any soothing ritual will also help your nerves to remain in peace.
Accept the Imperfections
For people who have issues with controlling too much, it’s hard to accept imperfections. They are usually perfectionists who want every detailed planned according to his or her rules. Whether you are the boss or the employee, either way you’ll face a lot of trouble if you don’t let go your controlling behavior.
You see, people are prone to mistakes. There will be multiple situations that won’t be in your hand. Accidents can take place in any time and you have to be prepared for this. If you fail to accept people how they work, you will create a bad impression. With a controlling attitude, you can’t fix things, instead you push people away. So, it’s always better to expect the unexpected and accept whatever mishaps occurred. Try micromanaging people and situations. That’s how to be less controlling.
Change Your Vocabularies
Language is a powerful tool to make people at home. Similarly, wrong choice of words can detach you from a social group. Most of the controlling people have problem with choosing the right vocabularies while communicating with others. When you are criticizing a friend or colleague too much, it can hurt their feelings. Sure, it’s a treat to advise others but not everyone likes them.
So, how to be less controlling? Ask a supportive friend to help you identify your mistakes. Try to change your vocabularies that won’t sound too rude or controlling. We know it’s easier to say but a lot difficult in action. However, with consistent practice, you will definitely be able to fix your controlling behavior.
Give Up on Things You Can’t Control
Let’s be real. You can’t control every possible thing in your life. Well, in some cases, it’s not even mandatory. By giving up things you can’t control, we don’t exactly mean about the stuffs that are out of your capability range. Instead, we are focusing here more on the aspects which you should give up.
Suppose, you need to make dinner reservations. Try shifting this decisive mood to someone else. Let others make the decisions and you worry less about everything going perfect. Whenever you are going on a walk, try to walk without plans some days. We are sure it will help you to reduce your controlling attitude and open up to new experiences.
Respect Other People’s Perspectives
People tend to like controlling people less for their attitude. It’s not what those people impose on others but how they pursue it. Controlling people often tend to focus more on their standards. They don’t think about other people’s perspectives. This is an unacceptable behavioral conduct on every aspect.
You should always respect other people’s opinion as much as your decisions. Sometimes you may get even better ideas coming from an opposite direction. Without lowering down your controlling level, you will not only miss those great discussions but also create a distance within people. So, be an open-minded person whenever needed. Let that control freak attitude lose before you!
Indulge in New Experiences and Activities
The last tactic which we believe will help you to deal with overly controlling problems is to involve yourself with new experiences. As a control freak, you probably follow certain rules in life. You maintain a status quo and love to avoid risks. Well, it’s time you look at the picture from a different angle.
Try to indulge in activities that you never thought of doing. Make certain changes in your life. Perhaps, you can start by accepting other people’s opinions.
Bottom Line
Take good care of your relationships. Seek for new adventures. These activities will help you to let go the stress gradually. You will learn how to delegate tasks to others. It will also build tremendous opportunities to bond well with your partner.
By taking our advice, we can guarantee that you will be able to reduce your controlling emotions effectively.